It's strange how self expression in our everyday lives hits a barrier where it seldomly goes beyond the inner most reaches of our minds or hearts. True self expression is seen mostly in dancers, artists, vocalists, instrumentalists, writers and such, but what about just being there in every ones everyday life in words spoken and written and conveyed to our families and partners and children and friends?
I think it's pretty safe to say that all people, to some degree have this fear of rejection by society and even our closest loved ones because of certain invisible rule sets that society, in essence, WE have created. We are society and we are a part of a universal consciousness that creates these barriers, images and rules of what and how people should be -in general-. We are in concept emotional prisoners of ourselves. It is not every one that musters the courage and that is brave enough to challenge these restrictions in small scales (personal lives) and bigger scales (politics). Is this the fundamental trade mark of a leader? I think it surely is in many cases, but let's not diverge from the subject at hand just yet.
In our everyday lives we express ourselves in the usual surfaced way, anger, happiness, love, sadness and to an extent this provides some kind of relief and outlet for our emotions. We never really open the parts of us where true raw emotion and consciousness lie. The place inside where it hurts to breathe, that makes no excuses and that reflects the clearest, sharpest thoughts. Where our true selves dwell. We fear who we really are in some ways and lock that away so that we might be acceptable to our rule sets and expectations.
In our everyday lives we express ourselves in the usual surfaced way, anger, happiness, love, sadness and to an extent this provides some kind of relief and outlet for our emotions. We never really open the parts of us where true raw emotion and consciousness lie. The place inside where it hurts to breathe, that makes no excuses and that reflects the clearest, sharpest thoughts. Where our true selves dwell. We fear who we really are in some ways and lock that away so that we might be acceptable to our rule sets and expectations.
We are often ashamed of our true likes and dislikes and fantasies and life experiences. We cover up the real reasons for our prejudices and biases and we shut out the world from this whirlpool inside, the loudest silence within our minds. Of course it's your right, it’s your most private and intimate place, just sometimes, we should share that. How liberating it is to have that stunting weight off your mind. How incredible to be vindicated from that burden of secrecy. When you strip away all the covers and all the bullshit that you use as make up, as a mask for your core, what's left is either the most enchanting and beautiful essence or the most horrific.
Some things are meant to be locked away, but others aren't. Some parts of our true selves can establish bonds you could never have dreamt of. Excavating our hidden selves, telling the ultimate truths, these things can release us from the most crippling secrets and allow us to live as our selves openly and freely to which you will discover, is not as fearsome as you thought. But how, how do you cross the border? How do you overcome that intense sense of self protection, that defense that obstructs things from hurting us where there are no repairs?
In the age where being individual is the new trending fad, society has become more acceptable. Dressing anti-fashionable is fashionable and being 'different' is seen as artistic and admirable, being comfortable with one's sexuality is no longer taboo, 'different' of course only by the universal definition of what's acceptable. So one again we proceed to limit ourselves and set new rules and boundaries. The good news is that as society ages we become more acceptable of who people are. The bad news is that as society ages we set new standards of what is acceptable and what is not. So who is it that will change this way of thinking? In my opinion it should be the world leaders that steps up to say, enough is enough. After all a significant portion of people follow the trends of what the 'cool' people do, people like to do what the smart people say, also knows as what "they" say.
More importantly it is also up to us to start changing this. And no I am not giving the whole "one person can make a change" speech or what ever else weird ass talk that is out there, but simply stating that if we become more acceptable to our loved ones, friends and maybe even co-workers and make people feel more comfortable with being their true selves, then possibly they will allow us to become more comfortable with being our true selves. Thus shaping the universal consciousness of our planet.
This piece caused a tempest of emotions in me, but let me put the lid on that.
ReplyDeleteAs you have described so accurately, 'we become prisoners of ourselves', and this happens when you subscribe to that 'rule set of society'. You loose your 'true, raw self' and you cannot express what you don't see. Instead people adopt learned behaviour, that which is acceptable...and so people wear masks and have shallow, fake relationships, firstly with themselves and then with one another.
'..or the most horrific'..see, for me that can never be horrific. No seemingly ugliness can outweigh the intimacy that moment of sharing brings. It's because people want to play judge between what is acceptable or not (those biases), rather than just standing in awe at the bareness of another’s soul, and finding contentment in the sharing of a heart.
I don't agree that society has become more acceptable, being more liberal doesn’t equal acceptance, it just means excluding another group with the latest trend, it still means excluding those with lesser liberal views.
As you have said, the 'how to' definitely begins with yourself. It's simply to venture out and allow a few trusted people to take a peek into that attic. To care more about being true and sharing that which is precious above all else, your core, than to care about being rejected. If it is rejected, the loss is not yours.
I do think that society has become more acceptable, not in the complete sense of the word but in the sens of looking back at humanity, we have "accepted" women into business and politics.
ReplyDeleteWe have "accepted" that people have different views and opinions and no longer kill them just for doing that on sight, right at at moment, we no longer globally prosecute people for having a certain religion, this is excluding the situation that has been raging in the middle east for ages.
This is why I've said that we carry on limiting and restricting, we don't really relieve that, we come up with new "rule sets" all of the time, so possibly replace accept with a more suitable word, it's just the word I chose.
So in summary, I don't mean to say "accept" in the full sense of the word. Our "circle" of included things that are "acceptable" is just bigger than it used to be I guess.
I think the key lies in balance. Become too draconian and you're hated, become too accommodating you're stepped on. This is the problem, as well as where you draw the line between the two because some things need a little more bias than others, and you can't be liked by everyone all the time :)
ReplyDeleteLolita, wp pwnd me there, you are correct, spiritual people aint stoned and called witches anymore as well. So I gotta agree with you if looked at from that pov.
ReplyDeleteplut, also loved your point here 'some things need a little more bias than others'. That is very true, although personally I always try to detach myself from bias. Its more important to me to understand 'the why', than it is to protect myself with that bias.
Unknown I think that there's a difference between accepting who some one truly is and tolerating certain behaviors. You can accept that an individual is deviant, because you can not instantly change who they are at their core, but you don't necessarily have to agree with it or tolerate it.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion there is no balance or bias needed when it comes to some thing that is a constant variable and that cannot be changed by us, for ex. some snakes are venomous, we accept it because that's what it is, we don't have to like it having the ability to harm or kill, but we cannot turn a blind eye or pretend that it isn't so.
The balance is when it comes to tolerating behavior instead of a balance when accepting who our loved ones are.
You certainly cannot be liked by every one as you have stated and it shouldn't even matter. This world is filed with the biggest variety of personalities and existences, they cannot possibly all be compatible.
This is a very tricky and complicated thing. I cannot look at it from the pov of tolerating/accepting. The real question here is, what do you do with that deviant behavior, or even just with that flaw in the personality?
ReplyDeleteI take it into myself, I take that person's 'darkness' into myself, and in our 'merging' it changes into something we can both live with. It's called loving :)