Life seems to pass by in a single moment for me, it feels like occasionally for a fraction of time, like now, I've just paused it.
23 Years of which I can not recall living, looking back at a story, a chain of events that happened, who did they happen to? I do not feel like I own any of it. I'm left with only memories that rarely surface unless recalled by my mind when queried by some one else. It's as though my days just pass by and I go through them in a haze. It's 5:03 pm and just a second ago it was morning.
I wake up, tend to the kids, see my fiance off, work, cook, eat, game, sleep and tomorrow it starts again. Every working day is filled with frustration, kids fighting, playing, crying, laughing in the background, 100's of lines of text by people living an online life. It literally feels like those video clips you see of people standing still and the world fast forwarding around them.
People love to say that you should live in the moment, but moments are respective to the individuals living them, when life is such a rush, so busy and filled with events, how do you truly "live" in the moment? How do you savor every event and would you even want to? Most days just feel routine, we miss the impact we might make on some one else's life, do we realize that typing one sentence can change some one's frame of mind? Yet even filled with all these actions that cause reactions and ripples through our reality, these days are slipping by unnoticed.
Is it wrong? Do I want it to change? Are these days that are so crammed with emotions and at the same time just going through the motions and at that same time so emotionless significant or is it just another process of an organism that exists going through the cycle of aging before it unavoidably perishes?
Mostly I see it just the same as the cycle any other organism goes through with the exception of our consciousness, the fact that we realize and assess our existence.
I guess my initial thought was just that after this day, that has passed so instantly, I am exhausted and spent and find it amazing that I have experienced no time in this day, that the period of time since opening my eyes this morning has seemingly disappeared without me noticing it. Do I experience it in this way simply because my mind has no desire to truly experience my life, because ultimately I would like for it to just be over with so that I may have some rest and some peace? Possibly.
I do not wish to all of a sudden start "living" in each moment, or spark a sudden new found inspiration or new years resolution, I just wonder how much it all really matters? Not to people, not to the world and not to a "higher being", but to the universe as a whole, we are smaller than microscopic in relation to all things happening in space as an entirety. My days are days, that pass in an instant.
Loved reading this, so honest, moving and thought provoking, ty for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThe Greeks had an amazing understanding of time, they understood it in 2 dimensions, chronos (chronological time which has to be measured by an external medium e.g. the moon) and kairos (a moment in time). The important one is kairos moments, which cannot be measure and which is always now. For me, its those moements that I want to experience to the fullest, be it the smile on a childs face, a moment of understanding that passes between me and another, the beauty of a painting, or the beat of a song.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteI am finally ready to share my thoughts on this subject. Time and 'living in the moment'.
The moment is constant. It is always happening, it is another word for the present time.
The moment is the only time in which we can do our best -- where we can do what we can with what we have where we are. So, I see it and live it as the only time in which we can push our human potential. When I learnt this I found it to be great and it has made a huge difference in my way of life.
When I first read this I was not sure how to put my thoughts/emotions into words, but I am glad I could do so now :)
Do I experience it in this way simply because my mind has no desire to truly experience my life, because ultimately I would like for it to just be over with so that I may have some rest and some peace?
ReplyDeleteI know why you experience life this way
Hey KomboKitten :)
ReplyDeleteIt's true that moments are continuous. If I could make the best of each of them in the conventional sense, how exhausting life would be.
Sometimes making the best of the moment is simply enjoying relaxing or sharing a sense of unity with some one ^_^
I am happy that it's a positive experience for you in your life.
Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the relaxing! Very complex subject this.